
Coleen makes her way through dense fog and crunch snow during the FatAss she put on Friday night and Saturday morning, Jan. 15-16.
Coleen’s Fat Ass was meant to be a 50-mile night run, and a chance for those of us heading to Rocky Raccoon to get in a last long night run. It had been set for Jan. 8, but since that turned out to be the coldest windiest night of the century — 5 degrees below zero and -20 wind chills — Coleen rescheduled for Jan. 15.
Temps were much milder for the rescheduled run, but runners had to contend with the foggiest night of the century! It was especially brutal for intrepid photographers Dick Ross of SeeKCrun and yours truly. The moisture in the air reflected our camera flashes and made it look like snow. Interesting effect, but hard to see the camera subjects.
The real difficulty was the churned up, uneven snow pack, which turned ankles every which way. The wrenching effect eventually found its way all the way up the legs and into backs and even shoulders in some cases.
The good news is that the course is only 3.2 miles. So lots of runners (30, including yours truly) came out to get at least one lap of the Fat Ass. Several runners went beyond the marathon, so I posted the pics on ultrastory.com.
I took most of my pics indoors in the historic stone house at the start/finish, which served as Fat Ass HQ. Runners did laps, came in to warm up, got their pics taken, ate some of the delicious food that everyone brought, then, in some cases, went back out again.
Among the goodies, I should mention that one of our sponsors, Great Harvest Bread Company, Lawrence, provided a ton of delicious home-baked bread, including loaves of nine-grain, challah and sour dough. The challah went fast. While I was looking for the knife I brought to cut it, the runners didn’t wait, and tore the challah to bits with their bare hands and consumed it. It was biblical, in a way.
The sour dough was already sliced, and so met its end in a more dignified manner.
Runners went in and out. Everyone did a lap except the lovely Brandy Jones, who is not a runner, but who came with her spouse Shane, who IS a runner, to socialize and help with checking people in and out of the race.
The lovely Brandy "Bride of Hammer Hawk" Jones helped with checking runners in and out.
That allowed me to go out for a lap. I ran with Shane, James “Skull Hawk” Barker and two KC boys, Kyle Bonar and Mike Prentiss. Kyle, or was it Mike, shared my aversion to wet feet in snow. At the first big water crossing, swollen with meltwater and roaring over a dam, he led us upstream through dense brush to a “leap of faith” across the black water. We all made it, though James, flying across the stream, dipped one foot in just for the heckuvit.

Mike Prentiss and Kyle Bonar (or vice versa) from KC. Shane “Hammer Hawk” Jones brought them, I think.
Later, though, trying to cross another stream by stepping on rocks, I hit a wobbler, and the feet got wet. They were on the way to uncomfortable coldness by lap’s end, so I called it a night and went back in to spell Brandy checking runners in and out. Otherwise, I would’ve gotten a few more laps. Temps seemed pleasant.
Some of our tougher runners, though, went close to and upwards of 20 miles on the course, and even got ultra-distances. They included Brad “Pastor Hawk” Bishop, Darin “Lincoln Hawk” Schneidewind, Debbie “Wheat Hawk” Webster, Kyle Amos, Mike Adams (visiting from Texas), Coleen “Lil Big Hawk” Voeks (who caused all the trouble to begin with), and Deb “Kettle Hawk” Johnson. Her spouse Stuart “Ozark Trail Hawk” Johnson outlasted everyone with 10 laps — 32 miles.
We signed up several new Hawks including Raven “Raven Hawk” Rajani, Karen Collier, and Mike and Chris Baucher out of Lee Summit. They have to get their Hawk names by going on a group run and being christened by fellow Hawks.

New Hawks Raven Rajani and Karen Collier are all smiles after a first lap at Coleen's Fat Ass.

New Hawks (left) Mark and Chris Baucher, father and son from Lee's Summit, come in from the cold.
Though it was fun on the course, imho, it was really fun in the house, with frosted runners coming in and out, joking, laughing and thawing.
As the late night turned into early morning, our number decreased. By 3 a.m., only Stuart was left on the course, going for lap 10, while yours truly waited for him with his spouse Deb, Coleen, Jim “Family Hawk” Beiter who got seven or eight laps, and Debbie.
Debbie brought Asti Spumanti and orange juice. So we made Mimosas and toasted Stuart’s cold ass out there on the Fat Ass. When he got in safe, around 3:30 a.m. — 32 miles in about 7:30 — we cleaned up, packed up and called it a night.
Now that’s what I call a party.
Good job Coleen!
Big thanks to Alaine Hudlin of Kansas Dept. of Parks and Wildlife for letting us hold the run on the premises, and letting us use the house. Also to Great Harvest Bread Company for the delicious baked goods.
More later!
gary

End of a Fat Ass — (L to R) Jim "Family Hawk" Beiter, Debbie "Wheat Hawk" Webster, Deb "Kettle Hawk" Johnson, RD Coleen "Lil Big Hawk" Voeks raise mimosas in salute to Stuart "Ozark Trail Hawk" Johnson, last Hawk running. That’s my cup in the foreground. I love mimosas!